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Thousands Flock To House With "Miracle" Full House. |
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Ribbon Wavers Tell Poker Players "It's Time to Fold." |
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A King By Any Other Name |
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| Beware of Greeks Promising Stadiums |
With just weeks to go until the opening ceremonies, there's growing concern that Greece may not be ready for the arrival of the games. While the lack of venues and uncertain security have event organizers scrambling around like a bunch of denim shirt and khaki pant wearing chickens with their heads cut off, one group of athletes has stepped up to offer their services - the as yet uninvited poker players.
"We'd be completely low maintenance," said Bruno Nutt of Poker in Athens. "We don't need our own Parthenon. Hell, if they'll let us in the games I'll bring my own arena. Cards, chips, even my buddy Frank's card table. Just lather that sucker up with some spackle, and BOOM — instant Greek poker table. And security concerns? Please. We're not a bunch of sissies who've spent our lives training in Switzerland, eating sushi and drinking bottled water. I'm from the Bronx. I drink from the tap. If anyone tries to start something up, they're gonna be staring down the wrong end of my pimp-hand."
Already event organizers have taken steps to cut back on the number of venues and facilities needed — combining the archery and shooting events into a Cowboys-and-Indians style showdown, and insisting that the Russian women's swim team compete as both swim team and men's wrestling team.
"To be honest it's all a little bit more than we expected," said Athens for Athletes spokesman Balki Bartokomous. "We kind of figured it's Greece, it's the summer games, it'll pretty much work itself out. It hasn't. Now I've got a gymnast screaming that his training room isn't big enough for him and his personal masseuse Fredrique in one ear, and a badminton player insisting we paint his room lavender because it 'brings out his inner badminton-er' in the other. It's a nightmare." |
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