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Torch Bearer Loses Torch in Poker Game. |
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Aphrodite of Melos. Poker beauty |
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A King By Any Other Name |
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| Ribbon Wavers Tell Poker Players "It's Time to Fold" |
Though the movement to allow poker into the summer games has been widely praised, not everyone is on board with poker's plight. A wave of anti-poker protests have erupted at home decorating and scrapbooking stores nationwide. Ribbons in the Wind, the union of rhythmic gymnasts and rhythmic gymnastics enthusiasts, has claimed responsibility for the surprisingly bitter protests.
"We have no problem with poker, provided it stays in its proper place — smoky redneck basements where the greedy and gluttonous can fulfill their devilish desires," said Ribbons in the Wind spokesman Vance Lightfellow. "What we do protest is those fat, lazy bastards pretending they're equal athletes to rhythmic gymnasts. Why can't they understand that the wind doesn't decide how the ribbons flow, we do. We're about grace, form, and tight fitting uniforms that cling like saran wrap to your happy places. That's the essence of sport. These poker jerks do their devil's work in jeans and cowboy hats."
Lightfellow's accusation that poker is "the devil's work" has yet to be confirmed, as repeated calls to Hell, and Satan himself, have not been returned. However, a spokesman for the Lower Kingdom, who asked to remain anonymous, did issue this statement:
"Look, we're all pretty busy down here. I've got wars to incite, no one's sold me their soul in weeks, I'm six months behind on my famine paperwork, and on top of all that, we're trying to bring back the whole boy band thing. Do you honestly believe we're spending our time trying to get poker into the games? We run a volume business here. I've got bigger souls to fry." |
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