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Thousands Flock To House With "Miracle" Full House. |
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Ribbon Wavers Tell Poker Players "It's Time to Fold." |
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Aphrodite of Melos. Poker beauty |
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| A King By Any Other Name |
In a shocking move that is sure to threaten the two parties' already tenuous relationship, the summer games committee has demanded that Poker adapt its language to be more "Greek-friendly."
"Look, I don't think we're being unreasonable here," said Athens Committee representative Bronson Pinchotimous. "I myself have never played poker, but I did see that Matt Damon movie, and I believe they have what they call 'house rules.' Same deal here. All we ask is that they make their game a little more Greek. Instead of a 'King,' you have 'Zeus.' Instead of 'Queens,' 'Aphrodites.' You can still have your hearts, diamonds, spades, and clubs, but instead of 'suits' they're 'Togas.' Just think how excited you'll be when you flop a 'Full Coliseum.' And I don't know about you, but I think it sounds much more impressive to 'Trojan Horse' a hand than to 'Slow Play it.' To use their angry redneck vernacular, if you're going to play here you have to speak the language."
Despite Mr. Pinchotimous' eloquent use of redneck-speak, the poker players remain staunchly against the committee's demands. They insist, however, that their resistance is not due to an unwillingness to compromise.
"After all, we did give in to the carny-folk unitard thing" said poker representative Michael Mittlestaedt. "But we have to draw the line somewhere. For many of us this game is sacred. More important than family, religion, and all but the best of cheese steaks. I'd sooner cut off my mullet than utter the phrase 'I've got trips Heras with an Apollo kicker.' And it's not like we've asked anything of them. You don't see us demanding they wear deodorant, use less 'u's in their names, or take off the darn bed sheets and put on some freakin' pants." |
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